Breastfeeding

Extended Breastfeeding (EBF): A Stigmatizing Term

Recently when the Time Magazine sported a front page spread of a young boy standing on stool breastfeeding, the media and public went wild with debate, furry, outrage and reaction over a behavior that some people call “Extended Breastfeeding.”

Since the article’s publication, I’ve been tossing this term around in my head and I realize that I’m not a fan of the term.

Why am I not a fan?

Well, first of all, the term Extended Breastfeeding inherently applies that the breastfeeding is being extended past some arbitrary line that is being drawn in sand that defines the child-breast relationship.

The term extended breastfeeding implies that the mother is breastfeeding her child longer than…longer than….well, longer than something.

Let’s debunk some of these myths.

There is not a point at which a parent “should” stop nursing.

What do we mean by should? Who defines what should is? Who gets to make the ultimate decision on should?

If we listened to the young mothers commenting on mothering forums, as I have, the line would be 15 months. Nursing beyond that age, as one contributor said “is just sick.” I think that sums up the general opinion some women regarding nursing a toddler. This perception needs to change regardless of what another mother chooses for herself and her child.

Nursing into toddlerhood has no negative health effects on the child.

The AmericanAcademyof Pediatrics (AAP) doesn’t have a problem with a mother nursing a child past infancy. Because of the clear health benefits the AAP recommends “exclusive breastfeeding for about 6 months…with continuation of breastfeeding for 1 year or longer as mutually desired by mother and infant.” 1 Additionally, they state that “mothers should be encouraged to continue breastfeeding through the first year and beyond as more and varied complementary foods are introduced.” 1

Nursing into toddlerhood is not emotionally detrimental for the child nor is the mother nursing to meet her own emotional needs.

There is no evidence to suggest that breastfeeding past a year or even into later years is emotionally unhealthy for the child.2 The assertion that the mother is breastfeeding her child for her own benefit is ludicrous. First of all, no toddler would participate in breastfeeding if he or she did not want to. For all of you parents out there, I’m sure you remember your 2 to 3 year old child’s favorite word: NO!

Forcing a toddler to do something is not very easy, especially if it requires them to curl up on your lap and hold still.

A mother cannot force a child to breastfeed.

Of course a mother can wean a child, but why wean a child if he or she is not showing signs of readiness?  Children will wean themselves naturally when they no longer need the emotional security of the mother’s breast. Weaning a two year old child before she was ready would be like taking away her security blanket or favorite stuffed animal.

There is a misconception about toddlers and breastfeeding: Toddlers don’t nurse the way that infants do.

It would be the rare toddler who would go to mom for a long, nutritional nursing session at the age of two or three. Most children seek the breast out for comfort or security. By the time a child is in their toddler years most children are only nursing for short periods of time and usually before or after sleep. Even if they were seeking the breast out during the day, the mother is most likely starting to set limits on that behavior as well. It’s a process and one that is not easily controlled or defined by external forces. It varies greatly depending on the child, the mother and on the mother-child relationship.

The general rule of thumb is that nursing can and should continue as long as it is a mutually beneficial relationship.

After a couple of years, there are plenty of mothers who will tell you that the joy of nursing is fading. At that point the nursing relationship is no longer mutually beneficial and a mother may choose to encourage her child to wean. On the flip side, a child may choose to no longer nurse because he is ready to be done even if the mother enjoys that bonding time. However, the child-centered parent will follow her child’s lead and bring an end to the nursing relationship.

Between a combination of baby or toddler-led weaning and a mother’s desire to wean her child, nursing will always come to an end at some point in time.

Given the health benefits of nursing to both mother and child, as a society we should be supportive of any nursing relationship between mother and child.

Currently, breastfeeding rates are much lower than the government would like them to be and both the AAP and the Surgeon General are trying to encourage more mothers to breastfeed and for longer periods of time. The Surgeon Generals Healthy People 2020 objectives for the year are “82% ever breastfed, 61% at 6 months, and 34% at 1 year.”3 Although most mothers try to breastfeed upon giving birth, “within only three months after giving birth, more than two-thirds of breastfeeding mothers have already begun using formula. By six months postpartum, more than half of mothers have given up on breastfeeding, and mothers who breastfeed one-year olds or toddlers are a rarity in our society.” 4

By continuing to use the term “extended breastfeeding,” we as a culture, and as a group of informed, conscientious parents, are perpetuating the notion that breastfeeding has some finite, culturally-defined end and that it is the rare mother, the anomaly, the outlier, the “strange mom,” who nurses past this “normal” point. If we wish to change this we might want to be more cognizant of our choice of words. Nursing into toddlerhood is a normal way to nurse and perhaps we should be calling it just that. Nursing. Nursing into toddlerhood. Nursing an older child. Non-infant nursing. Let’s be creative and start talking about it in a way that will normalize the behavior rather than continuing to set ourselves and our healthy parenting behaviors apart from the rest of society.

References:

1http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/129/3/e827.full.pdf+html

2http://www.llli.org/ba/feb01.html

3http://www.surgeongeneral.gov/library/calls/breastfeeding/factsheet.html

4http://www.surgeongeneral.gov/library/calls/breastfeeding/calltoactiontosupportbreastfeeding.pdf

RELATED POSTS:

https://singlemomontherun.com/2012/05/16/breastfeeding-isnt-about-sex/

Extended Breastfeeding and the Law

Extended Breastfeeding and the Law

Elizabeth N. Baldwin

from Breastfeeding Abstracts, February 2001, Volume 20, Number 3, pp. 19-20.

Misinformation about breastfeeding affects everyone in our society, including lawyers, judges, psychologists, and social workers. While there is no harm in breastfeeding past infancy and allowing a child to wean naturally, many professionals in social service agencies and family law courts are quite shocked to learn just how long a child may breastfeed. Lacking accurate information, these officials may overreact and conclude that breastfeeding a child of two, three, or four is somehow improper. As more mothers nurse longer, healthcare and lactation professionals need to be aware of legal issues surrounding extended breastfeeding, so that they can educate their counterparts in the legal and social service systems.

Breastfeeding and the Courts

The issue of extended breastfeeding has been raised numerous times in United States courts, in both social service agency and family law cases. There are older reports of family law cases in which the court’s custody decision was affected by the belief that the child should have been weaned at an earlier age.1 However, a more recent custody case recognized that it was not inappropriate to breastfeed past infancy and discounted the father’s claims that it was detrimental to the child ’s development.2 It is not uncommon for fathers to raise questions about extended breastfeeding to gain leverage in custody decisions, even fathers who were supportive of long-term breastfeeding prior to the divorce. This tactic has been shown to work. After all, what do judges know about breastfeeding!

Social service agencies have looked at the issue of extended breastfeeding numerous times over the past ten years, but not one social service agency has upheld any finding that extended breastfeeding constitutes abuse or neglect, or is in any way harmful to the child. In only two situations has a child been removed from the home. Several years ago, a social service agency in Colorado removed a five-year-old child because the mother was still breastfeeding, but the court ordered the child to be immediately returned to his family. Last year, in Illinois, a child was removed from the mother ’s custody to foster care for over six months because a judge issued an initial finding that the child was at risk of serious emotional harm because of not being weaned. This case received a great deal of publicity. Though the case is still in the process of being resolved, the child has been returned to his mother, and the judge has vacated the finding of neglect.

In 1992, in a highly publicized case in New York State, a mother claimed that she had lost custody of her child for a year because she was breastfeeding at age three. This mother had reported experiences of sexual arousal during breastfeeding, and authorities removed the child from the home, for fear that this mother might sexually abuse this child. Later, the social service agency in New York that took this action issued a formal statement, saying that there was more to this case than could be disclosed to the press, due to confidentiality laws. The statement also added that extended breastfeeding or even arousal during breastfeeding were not reasons for removing a child from a mother’s custody. Over the next few years, other social service agencies have also investigated cases related to extended breastfeeding, but have not removed children from their homes. These cases have been closed once officials received accurate information about extended breastfeeding and natural weaning. Breastfeeding, at any age, is not abuse or neglect.

Information about Weaning

Mothers who allow their child to wean naturally are being responsive to the child’s need. Contrary to the suspicions of those in our society who view breastfeeding as somehow being a sexual act, mothers who nurse older children are not satisfying pathological needs of their own.

Mothers who have breastfed past infancy rarely expected to nurse for so long, but they continue because it is so important to their child. At one time children all over the world were breastfed until they weaned naturally. It is only in our modern society that extended breastfeeding has fallen so far out of fashion that it is viewed as an abnormal act.

Breastfeeding experts do not advocate a specific age for weaning, as this is a personal decision for each mother and child. Authorities do suggest that it is best to let children wean naturally. For instance, the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that all babies be breastfed for at least one year, or as long as mutually desirable.3 In support of this recommendation, the AAP’s statement cites a study that discusses the age of weaning among American women who practice extended breastfeeding. Weaning ages in the study extend through age 6.4

Many people are surprised to learn that experts consider 4 or 5 years to be the average age of weaning worldwide.5 Research by Dr. Katherine Dettwyler, anthropologist at Texas A&M University, argues that the natural weaning age for human beings falls between 2.5 and 6 years of age.6 An informal survey conducted by Dr. Dettwyler indicated that many more women in the United States are nursing children past infancy, and she has reports of children as old as ten years old still breastfeeding. So many women are breastfeeding past infancy that two books on the subject have chapters on nursing past age four (MOTHERING YOUR NURSING TODDLER, by Norma Jane Bumgarner, and The Nursing Mother’s Guide to Weaning, by Kathleen Huggins).7, 8 Many people, however, are not familiar with the idea of extended breastfeeding, since older nursing children do not nurse frequently or urgently, and most mothers nursing an older child do not do so openly in public. They may not even admit to their doctors that they are still breastfeeding. It is ironic that our society does not seem to object to children sucking their fingers, pacifiers, or bottles past infancy, but many are outraged when a child who can walk and talk is still breastfeeding. Because our culture tends to view the breast as sexual, it can be hard for people to realize that breastfeeding is the natural way to nurture children.

More and more experts and professionals are encouraging extended breastfeeding, as there is substantial evidence that health benefits continue and increase the longer the child breastfeeds. The current recommendations of the World Health Organization and UNICEF are for all mothers to breastfeed until age 2 or beyond. Studies have shown that the antibodies and immunities in a mother’s milk are more concentrated the longer she nurses, to make up for the fact that the child does not nurse as often. Recent studies also indicate that extended periods of breastfeeding offer mothers protection against breast cancer.9, 10

Children who nurse past infancy have their own developmental timetables. Many nurse for only a few minutes at bedtime, upon waking, or at nap time. Some may go days or even weeks without asking to nurse. Some wean only to resume nursing when stressful events occur in their lives, such as the birth of a sibling. When little ones get sick, most mothers find that the amount of nursing increases. Breastfeeding is primarily for comfort as children pass their first birthday, and there is nothing wrong with that. Some people may assume that if a child is nursing past infancy, it must be influenced by the mother ’s desires or wishes. To the contrary, the child is the one who determines if breastfeeding is going to continue. It is well known in the field of lactation that it is very difficult to make a child breastfeed.

The Professional’s Responsibility

Health professionals, social service workers, and judges and lawyers in the field of family law need to become informed about extended breastfeeding. The good intentions of a poorly informed professional can result in a false report of abuse, or even a child being placed in foster care needlessly. Personal feelings or beliefs about breastfeeding should not be allowed to affect professional judgment. Unfortunately, women have been reported to social service agencies for extended breastfeeding by the very professionals from whom they sought help. Several years ago in Florida, a mental health professional reported a client to social services for allowing a five-year-old child to try breastfeeding again after he had weaned. The father was attempting to use this incident as a weapon against the mother in a family law situation. The therapist unwittingly went along with the father’s concern, and reported that the mother-child relationship was dysfunctional. When caseworkers at the social service agency learned more about extended breastfeeding and weaning, the case was closed.

If a mother is reported to a social service agency for extended breastfeeding, or if the issue arises in a divorce or family law case, health professionals can assist by providing accurate information about the issue to everyone involved. Most of the time this sharing of information resolves the situation. If it does not, direct testimony from an expert may be needed to resolve the case in the mother’s favor.

Elizabeth N. Baldwin is an attorney, certified family mediator, and La Leche League Leader in Miami, Florida. Her practice concentrates primarily on family law cases where extended breastfeeding and mother-child separation are at issue. Ms. Baldwin is a member of La Leche League’s Professional Advisory Board, Legal Advisory Council.

REFERENCES

1. Shunk v. Walker, 589 A. 2d 1303 (Md. Ct. Spec. App. 1991); Friendshuh v. Headlough, 504 N. W. 2d 104 (S. D. 1993); In the Matter of the Marriage of Holcomb, 888 P. 2d 1046 (Or. Ct. App. 1995).

2. Hoplamazian v. Hoplamazian, 740 So. 2d 1100 (Ala. App. 1999)

3. American Academy of Pediatrics Work Group on Breastfeeding. Breastfeeding and the use of human milk. Pediatrics 1997; 1000:1035-39.

4. Sugarman, M. and K. A. Kendall-Tackett. Weaning ages in a sample of American women who practice extended breastfeeding. Clin Pediatr 1995; 34:642-47.

5. Lawrence, R. A. and R. M. Lawrence. Breastfeeding:A Guide for the Medical Profession. St. Louis: Mosby, 1999.

6. Dettwyler, K. A. A time to wean. BREASTFEEDING ABSTRACTS 1994; 14:3-4.

7. Bumgarner, N. J. MOTHERING YOUR NURSING TODDLER. Schaumburg: La Leche League International, 2000.

8. Huggins, K. and L. Ziedrich. The Nursing Mother’s Guide to Weaning. Boston: Harvard Common Press, 1994.

9. Layde, P. M. et al. The independent associations of parity, age at first full- term pregnancy, and duration of breastfeeding with the risk of breast cancer. J Clin Epidemiol 1989; 42:966-72.

10. Newcomb, P. A. et al. Lactation and a reduced risk of premenopausal breast cancer. New Engl J Med 1994; 332:81-87.

Page last edited 2007-10-14 09:32:41 UTC.

The Not-So-Pretty Side of Nursing: My Breastfeeding Story

My Breastfeeding Story

Starting from day one, breastfeeding was a horrible, horrible experience for me. I was in so much pain that tears came to my eyes every time my baby latched on. And the pain didn’t stop after the latch. It continued and continued. The nurses and the lactation consultants at the hospital all said her latch looked good yet it was still excruciatingly painful.

The breastfeeding was so painful that I decided to try to pump. I had just had a c-section and had never taken the pump out of its case. I guess I just didn’t think I would be using it so soon. So there I am, recovering from major surgery, trying to pump milk. And what do you know? The milk comes out pink…from blood. This is on about day two or three home from the hospital. A day or two later my little baby spit up on a white pillow case and I noticed a tinge of pink in it. Can you imagine? I didn’t know what to do. It was 11:30 at night. I called the nurse line and they said it was probably my blood coming from the nursing. I wanted to cry. I was at my wits end.

I went to a lactation consultant available through the WIC (Women, Infants and Children) program who showed me a way of allowing the baby to crawl up my stomach to latch on. Nice in theory but not very practical and it still didn’t make things much better.

Over the course of the first couple of weeks, I got gashes on the external sides of both nipples. I had a peer breastfeeding counselor through WIC and I called her frequently. No advice made any difference. I tried different positions, different approaches and always got the same results. Pain, pain, pain. Over time I developed a theory that she was latching on well for the first few seconds but then pulling her mouth out, or her tongue back, so that she was actually nursing with her gum which is what caused so much pain.

I told a visiting nurse who had come by for a newborn visit that I was having pain and she advised me to use a nipple guard. She dropped it off but didn’t show me how to use it. When I went to see another lactation consultant at a local hospital, she told that I had been given one that was too big and that as a result my baby was not getting milk properly and that my milk supply had dropped as a result of having an ill-fitted nipple shield.

I ended up trying to pump and nurse at the same time just because I felt that I needed to give my breasts a break. I’m pretty sure that my milk supply dropped simply because I did not know what I was doing.

On top of it all, I was doing all of the nighttime care by myself. My baby’s father would come over until about 11:00 a few nights a week but would then leave. She often wouldn’t fall asleep until around midnight and would then wake again around 3:00 for a feeding. I was sleep-deprived, completely stressed out, suffering from postpartum depression, and trying to hold it all together. I can’t imagine that any of this was making the breastfeeding go any better. Preparing and giving her a bottle was an easy alternative given all of the stress that I was under.

Nonetheless, I continued to try and nurse.

I am writing this because no one talks about the fact that breastfeeding might be difficult. We have this image of something beautiful and natural and, of course, pain free. That is not the case for all women.

Breastfeeding is one of the best things you can do for your baby but it’s definitely not the easiest.

If you are considering breastfeeding: 

  • While you’re pregnant make a list of friends or relatives who have breastfed and would be willing to help.
  • While you’re pregnant make a list of lactation consultants (more than one) with whom you can consult in case you need one. Write down their phone numbers and their addresses. Don’t wait until you’re postpartum and having to do this leg work.
  • If you do seek the help of a lactation consultant, keep making appointments with different people until you find one who can identify what the problem is and help you fix it.
  • Learn how to pump BEFORE you have the baby. If you do decide to pump for some reason after the baby comes, the last thing you want to be doing is taking apart the pump and trying to figure it out, especially if you’ve just had a c-section.
  • Be patient with yourself and with your baby. Breastfeeding is something that you’re both new at and it takes time to learn to do it properly.
  • Use the creams on a regular basis; they will help.
  • Know that the side-lying position is an advanced skill! Don’t fret if you don’t get that one right away!

Looking back, I wish that I had known how to use the pump before the baby came. I wish that I had put the baby to my breast more frequently so that my supply hadn’t dropped. I wish I had known how hard it might be.

In the end I found a lactation consultant through the hospital who was able to help me. In her office, she would position herself just right and slap the baby’s face into my breast with the right amount of force and at just the right angle that I wouldn’t feel any of the pain that I had previously felt. At those times it felt good and it felt right. More so than when things weren’t going well, at those times I wanted to cry. My baby was sucking and was getting the milk she needed. It was a beautiful thing.

Over time, things got better. I learned how to help my baby latch on better and I got a nipple shield that fit properly and helped reduce the pain significantly. The lactation consultant would weigh the baby before and after feedings and show me that the baby had taken in milk. Most importantly, I felt like I had a support system and someone who was there to encourage me and work with me until I got it right.

When the baby got a little bit bigger, the nipple shield was no longer necessary. At the end of it all, I probably nursed her about half of the time and supplemented the rest. I just wasn’t able to pump enough at work to keep her fed throughout the day.

The take home message here is that breastfeeding might not be all that you imagine it will be. For some it may be, but for others it can be a challenge and a struggle. If someone were asking my opinion, I would say give it the best shot you can. It’s important enough for your baby’s health that it’s worth a little extra effort. On the other hand, if a woman decides it’s just too much to handle, I can completely understand. I’ve been there and I know what it’s like.

My girl has just recently given up the breast completely and she is about to turn three. She went on to nurse for a good two plus years and she enjoyed every minute of it! Can’t say the same for myself, but that’s okay, it was more for her than me anyway..!

The Newborn Latch: Instructional Breastfeeding Video

http://snbsonline.net/id11.html

Image

On this site there is a series of three videos with a male physician teaching the mother how to get her baby to latch on. The videos are wonderful. (It will say 1 of 3, 2 of 3, and 3 of 3 for a total of three mini videos in the series. Each are about 3-4 minutes long.)

One of the things that this physician says is that he has worked around the world in Africa and South America. He states that in these countries the babies are on the breast for hours but in North America people become horrified if a mother is nursing for more than 20 mintues a side. This is actually something that my doctor had advised me against as well. Inform yourself about the possibilities related to breastfeeding. He also states that mothers aren’t taught how to properly breastfeed while in the hospital and promotes more education around breastfeeding properly.

Here is information in a text form if you like from a website I found.

http://www.childfun.com/breastfeeding/latch.shtml

“Attaching the baby to the breast correctly is the first and most important step towards successful breastfeeding. The vast majority of breastfeeding problems are caused by improper latch-on (the second leading cause of breastfeeding problems is feeding on a schedule instead of on demand). Here are some problems that incorrect latch-on may cause:

  • Sore nipples. These result when the baby holds just the nipple in her or his mouth instead of opening up her or his mouth wide and taking in a good mouthful of breast tissue.
  • The baby cannot milk the breasteffectively unless she or he is latched on properly. The milk reservoirs are located behind the nipple under the areola. A baby who is sucking on just the nipple cannot compress the milk reservoirs to get the milk out. This may lead to:
    • Engorgement. Your milk comes in and the baby can’t remove it from the breast. Your breasts can become engorged.
    • Mastitis. Engorgement that is left untreated can lead to plugged milk ducts and mastitis. The treatment for engorgement is emptying the breast. If your baby does not latch on correctly, she or he cannot empty the breast.
    • Poor weight gain. If your baby does not latch on correctly, she or he does not get enough milk. Furthermore, most of the milk she or he gets will be the thin foremilk. Your baby may fail to thrive.
    • Insufficient milk. Your breasts make more milk as they are emptied. Milk left in the breast tells your body to slow down milk production. If your baby is not latching on properly, you may lose your milk supply.

OK, so it’s really important to latch the baby on properly. Fortunately, it’s not very hard (although it takes practice; it might take anywhere from a few days to two months for your baby to become a pro at this). Here are a few things to pay attention to:

  • Take full advantage of your baby’s rooting reflex.
    • The rooting reflex has two parts: turning and opening the mouth.
      1. When you touch your baby’s cheek or lip lightly, she or he will turn her or his head towards the touching object.
      2. She or he will also open her or his mouth really wide, as in a big yawn.
      3. Soon, your baby will learn that your breasts are her or his source of comfort and nourishment, and she or he will turn her or his head from side to side and open her or his mouth whenever she or he wants to nurse.
    • If your baby is already facing your nipple, you can just tickle her or his lip with your nipple until she or he opens up really wide.
    • If the baby is facing away from the breast, tickle her or his cheek with your nipple When she or he turns toward your breast, tickle the lip with your nipple.
    • Make sure you continue tickling until your baby opens up reallywide. Don’t try to attach a baby whose mouth is only slightly open, or you might have sore nipples and all the other problems associated with improper latch-on.
    • A very common mistake is to try to push and turn a baby’s head towards your breast. The rooting reflex makes the baby want to turn towards the pushing object. Many people interpret this to mean that the baby is turning away from the breast. They say the baby “rejects” the breast, and resort to artificial feeding. Don’t fall into this trap! Just tickle the baby’s cheek with your nipple, and she or he will turn towards the breast.
    • When the baby opens up really wide, pull him towards your breast all the way to your chest. It’s important to pull the baby close to make sure she or he gets a good mouthful of breast instead of just the nipple.
  • When a baby is correctly latched on:
    • Her or his lips should be flanged out, not sucked in. You should be able to see the inner surfaces of the lips on your breast.
    • Her or his tongue should be covering the lower gum. You can see this by pulling the lower lip slightly out.
    • Her or his cheeks should not be dimpled. Dimpled cheeks during sucking indicate poor latch-on and suction.
    • Her or his nose should be touching your breast. If the baby’s nose is away from your breast, she or he is sucking on just the nipple. You’ll have sore nipples, and the baby won’t get enough milk.
  • You might wonder whether you should hold your breast with one hand while you are breastfeeding.
    • You can hold your breast to make it easier for the baby to latch on.
    • If you do, make sure your thumb and fingers are well behind the areola.
    • Many people do a good job of keeping the thumb way back, but they put their fingers too close to the areola, just behind the nipple. Avoid this! Your baby needs to take in as much breast tissue as she or he can comfortably fit into her or his mouth. If your hand is too close to the nipple, the baby will just take the nipple in. You’ll get sore nipples.
    • Avoid the “scissor hold” in which you hold your breast between your index finger and ring finger. This style of holding the breast very often causes the baby to latch on to the nipple instead of to the breast.
    • Use the “C” or “U” hold, where you form a C or U shape with your thumb and fingers (as if you are holding a water glass). Hold your breast so that its compressed shape is in line with the baby’s open mouth (remember, you are doing this to make it easy for the baby to take in as much of the breast tissue as possible).
    • You can also hold and lift your breast to bring it to the level of the baby’s mouth. This is useful for mothers with large soft breasts.
    • You don’t need to worry about pulling the breast back from the baby’s nose to let the baby breathe. Babies’ faces are made for nursing. They can breathe with no problems with their faces smushed right into your breast. Pulling the breast away from the baby can lead to improper latch-on and sore nipples.
    • If you have flat or inverted nipples that stand out when you squeeze the areola, hold your breast so your nipple protrudes until your baby is latched on.
    • Once the baby is latched on and nursing, you can usually let go of the breast.
    • If your baby is able to latch on correctly without your holding your breast, you don’t need to hold it. Women with smaller breasts are more likely to be able to nurse a young baby without holding the breast. As your baby grows, you’ll probably find that you won’t need to hold your breast, no matter how large or soft it may be.
  • If your baby is not latched on correctly, remove her or him from the breast and try again. You should keep trying until the baby gets it right, even if you have to try twenty times. Pretty soon, your baby will learn to latch on properly, and will be able to do it without any help.”

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https://singlemomontherun.com/2012/05/25/my-breastfeeding-story/
https://singlemomontherun.com/2012/06/17/choosing-a-pediatrician-its-like-going-on-a-date-2/

Breastfeeding Isn’t About Sex

A baby sucks on your breast. Is that a sexual experience? No. Might there be a sexual response that occurs from time to time in the mother while her child is nursing? Yes. So let’s look at this issue a little more closely. First of all, the idea that breastfeeding might cause mild sexual arousal is not something to be swept under the rug. It’s a natural biological response. We do not need to be afraid to talk about it. As a matter of fact, I think a graduate student at the University of Minnesota might be writing her dissertation on this very topic as we speak.

The author of another blog felt anxious that breastfeeding might produce sexual feelings. I’m sure that any sexual feelings a mother might have will differ from child to child, from mother to mother, from breast to breast, and from year to year, depending on the age of the child.

I can tell you from my experience that the first days of breastfeeding can be very difficult and it’s a job, not something that’s fun. (Remember, I’m speaking from my experience and my experience alone.) This is especially true if you’ve just undergone major surgery to have the baby removed from your body and especially true if for some reason the latch is painful. And forget about modesty. By the time I had that baby I didn’t care who saw my breasts. I can’t even recall how many nurses, friends and lactation consultants put their hands on my breasts while the baby was sucking away. They were helping the baby to latch and then examining her latch. I was just trying not to scream.

As she got older and her mouth got bigger, the pain subsided. This probably took about six months. Before that any time my milk would let down I would have searing pain that ran around the front of my body and into my back. Pumping is no fun either. You literally feel like a cow hooked up to a machine. My sister walked in on me one morning while I was pumping and just stared. She said, “It’s like looking at a train wreck. It’s so horrible, but somehow you can’t manage to look away.” It wasn’t pretty and it didn’t feel pretty.

Any sexual arousal experienced during breastfeeding is a biological response. I’m assuming people experience it otherwise why would a graduate student be studying the topic. As for the idea that a nursing toddler might somehow experience some inappropriate sexual experience while nursing, that is ludicrous. The toddler associates nursing with two things: food and comfort. Most nursing toddlers won’t even remember nursing as a young child and if they do it will be something along the lines of “Mama Milk” or “Num-Num” and that will be that. Even as a non-breastfed baby ages she will be wanting to lay on mama’s chest and feel the warmth of her breath, the softness of her breasts and the relaxing sound of the heartbeart. These are close to the experience of being an infant or being inutero. My three year old still goes to sleep most easily while I am carrying her in a sling. Luckily she is quite petite. She feels safe and warm and close to the source of milk. She can sense it and can feel my warmth. She’s not nursing and there is nothing sexual about the experience.

The sexualization of breastfeeding for me is not the act of nursing that occurs between mother and child. The sexualization of breastfeeding is what comes from the media and the public, as it did in this last Time Magazine issue and as it does when a woman is breastfeeding in public and there are men around. Because breasts are so sexualized in our culture, as compared to other cultures, breastfeeding in public is put in the same category of nudity. In some culture more remote cultures women walk around without shirts on. No one is gawking, no one is repulsed. No one is being asked to leave the village to nurse. It is a cultural norm. In the current U.S. society, we need to make the shift from breasts as objects of lust to breasts as objects of nutrition and bonding. And men, this isn’t a job solely for women, it’s a job for you as well.

Related Sites:

http://www.brynjaphotography.com/?p=4377
A photographer captures of the beauty of breastfeeding women and babies.

http://www.007b.com/public-breastfeeding-world.php
Breastfeeding around the world.

Breastfeeding is Universal

Breastfeeding is Universal

“Love is food: food for the soul. When a child sucks at his mother’s breast for the first time, he is sucking two things, not only milk — milk is going into his body and love is going into his soul. Love is invisible, just as the soul is invisible; milk is visible just as body is visible. If you have eyes to see, you can see two things together dripping into the child’s being from the mother’s breast. Milk is just the visible part of love; love is the invisible part of milk — the warmth, the love, the compassion, the blessing.” ~ Osho

A friend suggested that perhaps this could have been the Time Magazine cover photo.

Baby-Led Weaning

A short little nursing session around 2 1/2.

http://nurshable.com/2012/05/05/i-will-not-nurse-you-forever/

Here’s a beautifully written “letter” from mother to baby about the early days of breastfeeding and the baby-led weaning to come. It really does sum up the idea that nature will take its course and that deciding when to stop breastfeeding has little (or nothing to do) with how big a child is, how many teeth he has or what types of food she is eating.

Read it and see what you think.

The Shaming of Motherhood: Breastfeeding and Attachment Parenting in Time Magazine

 Image

This picture does cause your jaw to drop, doesn’t it? Time Magazine has successfully sensationalized breastfeeding and likely set a movement back for society’s acceptance of extended breastfeeding by years.

A friend on Facebook commented: “I think the shock value of the photo is not really a clear depiction of breastfeeding…it’s like they dressed the woman up all sexy, then dressed the boy like a little man to make it have a sexual context…when in reality, breastfeeding is not like that at all…but really, nature made us that way.”

My about-to-be-three year old daughter has gradually weaned herself over the past 6 months and it’s been a very natural and easy transition. (And I have to admit there were a few times when she did stand on a chair because she wanted a few moments of mama time and mama was busy folding the laundry.) I usually politely explained to her that we would save that for later. It also became a bit embarrassing while changing out of our swim suits at the Y after swim lessons and she was standing on the bench reaching for me!

http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/cutline/time-breastfeeding-cover-sparks-immediate-controversy-151539970.html

I am familiar with Dr. Sears and I understand the theories behind “Attachment Parenting” and I engage in what some would consider to be practices of Attachment Parenting. But for me, however, the term Attachment Parenting is a new word for an old concept and I don’t feel the need to label my parenting as such.  I didn’t need a theory of parenting to tell me that an infant will want to breastfeed, possibly into the toddler years. I didn’t need a theory to tell me that an infant will want to sleep close to her mother or be carried by her mother or other caregivers. (Co-sleeping and “baby-wearing” are behaviors that people who align themselves with Attachment Parenting see as being outside the range of normal parenting practices and thus fall under a term that defines new behaviors.)

For me, parenting has been an intuitive process. I look at the animal kingdom and at primates in particular. Does an orangutan mother ask her baby orangutan to sleep in a neighboring tree? No. And why not? Because babies are dependent on their caregivers and form attachments with them in order to survive. “Teaching” a baby to sleep independently is a behavior that we as a western culture have imposed upon our children for the sake of convenience. The individualistic society that we live in socializes children to become independent more quickly and for mothers to separate from their babies and toddlers sooner than is biological or developmentally appropriate.

Other cultures have been practicing the behaviors defined under Attachment Parenting for thousands of years. Look to any culture other than the U.S. or Europeand you will find mothers carrying babies on their backs, families sleeping together and toddlers nursing—perhaps even from a woman who is not her mother. Few societies have houses large enough for each child to have their own room. It’s only been in the past 100 years and in the more “developed” countries that every child having their own room starting at birth has become the norm. It is the way that we have socialized our children in response to wealth and an individualistic society versus a collectivistic society.

Breastfeeding past the age of three is not uncommon in many places around the world. It’s only in the U.S.that babies are encouraged to sleep through the night at an early age or to sleep in a separate room from his or her mother. (For a good research article on the biological importance of co-sleeping read Kathy Dettwyler’s research in this area.) In today’s Euro-American society, parenting has changed to fit the lifestyles of people who work, who want independence from their babies earlier, and who own homes with multiple rooms.

Finally, in a related post on baby led weaning, there is a photo taken of my child nursing during her weaning months. It’s a natural act. I neither promoted her nursing nor rejected it. In one comment about this post a woman writes:

“A sweet, relaxed photo. This is the one that should’ve been on the cover of Time!”

I take that as a complement because it says that this is the type of behavior that should be depicted for the world to see, not an overblown image that does not depict reality and which will ultimately do what the media generally does: Alter one’s perception of reality and distort it in a way so as to negatively affect one’s opinion about a social issue (such as relationships, body image, etc.). I mean really? How many super-thin, hot women are standing around breastfeeding while their toddlers stand on short chairs? Breastfeeding at that age is usually reserved for soothing a fussy, hurt, tired or tantruming child. It is also used as a nightly ritual for calming and connecting to one’s child. But how many people who view the image but don’t read the article are going to understand that extended breastfeeding (with “extended” being culturally defined) is becoming more accepted rather than less? None.

Shame on you Time Magazine.

I hope Time Magazine’s depiction of extended breastfeeding has not marred the general public’s opinion of something which is normal and natural. In addition, I am more than slightly appalled at Time Magazine’s tongue-in-cheek byline of “Good Enough Mother.” Breastfeeding is not a competition. It’s an individual choice as to how long one breastfeeds, under what circumstances and for what reasons. It’s shaming to those mothers and fathers who are rearing their babies in a manner that may be well thought out and who have solid justifications for their choices.

Beautiful, Wonderful, Breastfeeding

Breastfeeding is a wonderful, beautiful and amazing thing. We as mothers have the opportunity to give our babies life and to give it of our own bodies. The images are everywhere. Babies nursing happily at their mothers breast, sidelying moms, moms with twins. They all look so calm and relaxed.

Prior to the birth of our babies we are given loads of information demonstrating the importance of breastfeeding, the benefits our babies will gain from breastfeeding, not to mention how it is a natural experience that will be relaxing and will offer us the time to bond with our babies.

And then the baby comes. For some breastfeeding is easy, just like in the books we read, just like in all of the idyllic pictures that we see.

For others, it does not come easy. A poor latch can result in unbelievable levels of pain, blood in the milk, a child spitting up red milk, gashes in the nipples. Where is the breastfeeding we read about? Where is that wonderful, beautiful experience that we were expecting? Add to that sleep deprivation and a colicky baby and the thought of putting the baby to the breast can become a nightmare.

In the present subculture of women who see themselves as “natural” or “holistic” breastfeeding is endorsed over all else. Lactation consultants are there to spur you on, breastfeeding coaches paired through WICC. No matter what: keep breastfeeding! “The research shows you’ll get more sleep”; “The research shows your baby will get sick less.” All true.

But what if you simply can’t do it or simply choose not to? What if illness or pain or lifestyle issues makes supplementing or feeding exclusively with formula the best or only choice for you and your baby? What then? How will your peers see you? Will you be judged? Will you be perceived as depriving your child of their God-given right to a healthy immune system? Will your child get sick more? Will you be tainting their bodies with the cursed, man-made formula? Worse yet, will you be looked down upon by your family and peers? Will you be afraid or embarrassed to “admit” that you have supplemented with formula? Will you have to wear the scarlet “F”?

Our subculture (and what we wish for broader society) presents a very strong underlying and oftentimes overt message that those who do not breastfeed exclusively, or who choose not to altogether, should be ashamed of their choices. I clearly remember the shame that I felt when I announced to others that I was supplementing. It was clearly not the #1 choice.

I think it’s important for all of us to be sensitive to the messages that we put out into the world and to the reality of life and the reality of raising young infants, especially when raising them alone without a supportive partner, or when physical or life circumstances arise that make breastfeeding a difficult choice.

Breastfeeding is meant to feed and nourish our children. In the absence of breastfeeding what other choices remain? How do we nourish our babies? How do we keep them alive and help them to grown? Isn’t that the ultimate goal after all? Living up to a subculture’s subversive messages is an imposed stress – and one that can be ameliorated by speaking openly about ALL the options available, not just those that may be out of reach for some. And not only speaking openly about them, but accepting them and sending a positive message that formula and supplement, not breastfeeding if OKAY. It may even be what is BEST for your baby.

Frequent Night Nursing and Cavities?

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/T070800.asp

At our recent 7 month check up the pediatrician expressed concern that the baby continues to nurse frequently during the night, warning that this practice will result in rotted baby teeth and a sleep deprived toddler. “By nine months you’re facing a serious issue and if this continues after 12 months, well…she’s yours for life.” Does this mean that I’ll be nursing a 35 year old all night long? I seriously doubt it. A quick search for Dr. Sears and nighttime nursing resulted in the above link. Listed under “sleep problems” it discusses how to wean a two year old from frequent feedings, not a 7 month old (who to date has no teeth).

Another page Dr. Sears page, http://www.askdrsears.com/faq/bf3.asp, states on the apparently controversial topic: “So here is my conclusion – in general, night-nursing does NOT increase the risk of a child getting cavities enough to cause parents to intentionally wean their babies at night. You may have other reasons to do so, but do not wean at night in order to decrease cavities. If your baby night-nurses it is prudent to brush his teeth thoroughly first thing in the morning.”

I think I’ll continue with the nighttime feedings and continue bonding with my baby, who clearly needs her mama!